its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
