You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
