The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want to make out with him forever
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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