the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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