she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
