Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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