Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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