I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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