12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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