The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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