At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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