I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
