Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
