Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
