i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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