I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
