dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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