Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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