omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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