Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
