That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
