After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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