Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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