hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
