im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
