I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
