I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
