So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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