Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
