he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
