every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
