do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
