I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
