she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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