Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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