Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
