I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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