im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
