enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
