i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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