my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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