hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
