Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
cat food counts as protein by the way
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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