Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Randomize
