I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
