You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
