she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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