hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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