I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
