Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Send help, water and tortillas.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
